My First Real Day

SOO much has happened since I wrote less then 24 hours ago!!
i went back to the room and talked to my mom.. and karen.. and just kinda... cried... but it was good. I read romans 8... my favorite part of the bible! And i prayed... especially against this fear that was gripping my heart.. and I prayed that i could trust.
After a while Karen came into my room to tell me she was taking me out for goat brochets!! something i have definitly never eaten before. jesse karen and i walked just down the street to this cute little..what they call bar.. but its not the same thing as in america. and the goat brochets were amazing! smoked goat on a stick with onions.. and it was spicey. oh everyone knows i LOVE spicey food. and each one was like... 50 cents. i love that about it here... everythings so cheap for me!
jesse sat with us for about an hour.. he told us alot about the state of the government. it seems like rwanda is doing so well.. but there is so much oppression here. of the press... especially. no free journalism at all. and the government hates people talking about the genocide.. or acting as if there are two seperate tribes.. as if they are just rwandans... seems like they are trying to erase their culture and history.. or just keep it safer i guess. but people voted in the last election mostly out of fear... and they just passes a law... something about refering to genocide... its a very brawd law.. and could be used to take advantage of people soo easly.
jesse answered alot of our questions tho... but it was weird. because before we left.. and i was in my room praying I just felt a sudden peace... and it wasnt the feeling of warm real food in my stomach.. or company that made me feel alright... i know it wasnt.
it was a cloudy night so we couldnt see the starts. man i want to see the stars!! ha
the rest of the night I was pretty good actually. just looking forward to the morning when i would go and met my kids. when i returned to the house i had a bunch of new texts and missed calls. all encouraging.. and all from people in my church. no idea that my mom had decided to go to VCA that morning and she shared how i was feeling... and my congregation prayed for me :) i did the math and it was right about when the peace started to settle. hmmmm
talked to my mom on the phone.. cried smiled... it was good. she said she felt my presence in vca... like I was hugging her. I think God was hugging both of us too :)
abbey called me at about 9:30 because she wanted an update. oh it felt so good to talk to her... she knows me so well... her and i are so much alike with our emotions.... i was just so good to get things off my chest.
i slept until about 12. i actually woke up at exactly 12. i started praying against a downcast spirit and against lonelyness right away.. i knew that it seems to come so easily at night. first night i havent called my mom in tears! yay... not that i dont want ot talk to my mom!! i want to.. but i cant depend on that connection.

now to today!! woke up got ready... eat breakfast! EGGS oh yum we had eggs! i dont mind the food.. or the living conditions at all. thats not what makes me lonely or what causes me to struggle. its simply just missing my mom... and my dad. anyways... maria and i walked down to the bus stop.. the far one to catch the bus to the preschool. its less then a dollar a day for me to travel about 20 minutes there and back... thats awesome isnt it!? i was prepared for 4 dollars a day..that definitly puts some money back in my pocket! catching the bus was crazy! we went to this little market place.. swarming with people. and or course im the white girl who people like to stare at. i have not seen one white person outside of karen me and jesse. its so weird... ha but i kinda love it... had to shove my way onto a bus.. but this time it was an actually bus! not just a van. which was nice.. gave me some more room and space to myself.
we rode to kichikara where the preschool is and got off there. when you want off you just rap your knuckles against the window.. and somehow theyhear you above the radio and the noise.
there were hundreds of men dressed in pink from head to toe working on a brick wall.. maria said they were prisioners.
we walked about 4-5 minutes on a backroad before we reached the preschool! oh my word... i got there and there were 300 beautiful little faces! all dressed in uniform.. red and white checkered shirts with a blue dress.. or dress pants. and little ties for the boys. all lined up by age group. they were precious! the second i walked through that gate i fell in love! and they all started saying "white girl white girl" in kinyarwanda. ha they sure do love white people here. they sang and danced and jumped up and down all in unison... and they sang ME a welcome song... my heart felt so warm!! then teddy (the woman who runs the preschool) asked me to teach them a song. one of those moments where i was completely afraid for some reason. i didnt know what english they knew.. what they would like. HOW to teach 300 kids one song all at once. I decided on Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes. Oh they caught on so fast and they all did it so well! it was adorable... gave me a litlte bit more confidence. Teddy showed me around the place.. and took me into her office. i gave her the school supplies i had brought her for the day.. ill take them slowly there. she loved them all! made me feel like I could actually do something for them.
At the school they have kidsfrom 2-6 years old. 6 year olds were in primary 1... which was important because everything they learn there contributes to their future in a huge way.. and guess what. thats where they put me! all alone... to teach them!! i have about 40 kids im guessing. in this little shack/hut thing with desks and a white board.
Today i taught them body parts. just kind started pointing at places on my body.. started with my hair. all the way down to my feet. OH they were sooo eager to learn!! they knew some of the simple ones already like hair and mouth and eyes... when they wanted to guess they would snap their fingers and raise their hands high.. kind of shocked me at first. i kind of made a fool out of myself but it was fun... they are young :) after a while i started feeling desperate.. they were getting restless and i had no idea what to do! teddy came in and helped me draw a large picture of a person on the board and i labeled it and had them copy it down.. and then corrected and doublechecked their work. i think one of the boys in my class is dislexic.. all of his words were backwards.. or non sensical. my heart broke a little.. not knowing exactly how to handle it or how to help him.

all of the sudden teddy came in and told me its time for lesson number 2... i was thinking what! haha what am i suppose to teach them now? she said MATH, i was like oh my word God you definitly gotta help me with this one!! how am i suppose to teach math to these kids. i dont speak their language.. and i came prepared to just teach english. hahahaha.
she gave me a book and i wrote subtraction problems on the board. something they already had a litlte bit of a grasp of. they came and showed me when they were done. some of them were brillant getting every problem right.. others added sometimes.. and some thought 8-4 was 83. i did my best to explain their mistakes to them... using dashes.. and then taking them away. i hope i did a good job!

finally play time came and teddy took me to her office were i met this absolutley GORGEOUS rwandan woman. they are all gorgeous tho... their skin is amazing. i just want to touch it! ha so soft. she was dissapointed in my french... :( but oh well. she said ill help her with her english and she will help me with my french. she wanted me to come help her at her school on wednesday. sure why not! God doesnt open doors for no reason!
they gave me a fanta and some tasty crackers... the little kids kept peeping into her office and saying things... apparently they wanted me to come play!! aww isnt that so cute. they loved me just because i was white. they respected me... because i am white. hm. i have mixed feelings about that. But im so excited that they love me. they kept trying to grab my hand and teddy would tell me no. i thought i must be to teach them respect.. or something cultural... but she just didnt want them to bug me!! we cleared that up... and i let me take my hand.. they wanted to greet me. soon enough i was surrounded by a swarm of smiling adorable kids. one was very dirty.. with almost no teeth. teddy said he is an orphange. he held my hand and brought it to his face and clung to it. gosh i wanted to cry and hug him... but then i know EVERY kid would attack me! haha... and play time was up. back to the class room with like 3 kids on each of my hands.
i felt satisfied... it was a beautiful day. so sunny and warm... and these kids just amazed me.
went back to the class room and corrected more math before eliya... thats his name actually. not elsa. came ot pick me up.
we decided i would have help getting there and back this week.. but next week i must take the bus alone. scared the crap out of me... i dont like that idea... now im okay with it. for some reason this afternoon god has just filled me with a boldness.... i was afraid to walk down the street alone.. and all of the sudden i just walked out of the neighborhood and down like... 30 seconds to the cyber cafe.. i think i feel safe here... finally. i think i could get around... i hope so!!
anyways. it was soo hot.. and i was tired. they invited me to go to the community center with them.. but i was so tired i had to say no. i will go and help teach english there on saturday... or at least tag along and help if the oppertunity presents itself.
i ate lunch.. which was spaghetti!! or everyone knows how i always crave that when i leave the country! no sauce but i dont care.. and rice and cabbage. it was a very good lunch.
then i sat in this chair outside my room and journaled and enjoyed the sun.. before i knew it it was 3.. time wasnt moving as slow as before. and i was enjoying myself! yaaaaah.
i was going to do some laundry... but the clothes lines were full.
now im here in this cafe... ran into jesse.
i have to prepare my lesson for tomorrow. i think i will teach them how to sing "if your happy and you know it" and ill make a poster of the body parts today.. and play simon says with them in class maybe. that would be fun :)
my times almost up. it goes by so fast
OHH eliya says he might get a roater!! so ill have internet at the house. id be thrilled!!!!
time to go!!
thanks for all the emails and comments :) they make me happy